February 19, 2004 Monster Muffins & Such P.O. Box 2616 San Rafael, CA 94912 Re: I cry Mercy, oh great muffin masters Dear Monster Muffins: I adore your vegan muffins. By adore, I mean, of course, "buy slavishly every day and consume with a pleasure akin to resting in the lap of the Gods." But something horrible has occurred of late to destroy my peace of mind and to plummet me into the very bowels of despair. Tragically--some might even say, catastrophically--sometime within the last two weeks you have changed your recipe. My hypersensitive taste buds have detected the evil presence of that most heinous of spices, a flavor sent by the very demons of hell to torment pastry-lovers throughout the Ages: I am speaking, of course, of almond extract. I shudder to type the very words. My daily ritual of joy has been destroyed, turned into a painful ordeal. I am drowning in the rank taste of marzipan. All is lost. My dearest muffin makers, please, please make it stop. Please return me to my Elysian existence. Oh sure, I suppose I can find something better to do with the $4/week, but my life would be empty of meaning. I am begging you: wake me from this living nightmare. My very happiness is in your hands. Yours most sincerely, Cynsa Bonorris CODA: They fixed the muffins shortly thereafter. Was it my plea? Or simply Fate? I shall never know.