February 19, 2004
 
  Monster Muffins & Such
  P.O. Box 2616
  San Rafael, CA 94912
  
  Re: I cry Mercy, oh great muffin masters
 
 
  Dear Monster Muffins:
 
  I adore your vegan muffins.  By adore, I mean, of course, "buy slavishly
  every day and consume with a pleasure akin to resting in the lap of the
  Gods." But something horrible has occurred of late to destroy my peace of
  mind and to plummet me into the very bowels of despair. Tragically--some
  might even say, catastrophically--sometime within the last two weeks you
  have changed your recipe.  My hypersensitive taste buds have detected the
  evil presence of that most heinous of spices, a flavor sent by the very
  demons of hell to torment pastry-lovers throughout the Ages:  I am
  speaking, of course, of almond extract.  I shudder to type the very words.  
  My daily ritual of joy has been destroyed, turned into a painful ordeal.  
  I am drowning in the rank taste of marzipan.
  
  All is lost.
   
  My dearest muffin makers, please, please make it stop.  Please return me
  to my Elysian existence.  Oh sure, I suppose I can find something better
  to do with the $4/week, but my life would be empty of meaning.  I am
  begging you: wake me from this living nightmare.  My very happiness is in
  your hands.
  
  Yours most sincerely,
 
 
 
  Cynsa Bonorris


  CODA:  They fixed the muffins shortly thereafter. Was it my plea? Or simply
  Fate?  I shall never know.